Heart

I know mine's not the first heart broken.

I know i'm not the first to cry.

There's this sudden plethora of emotions overwhelming me.

Inferiority, insecurity, vulnerability, fear, disappointment.

Basically everything scary and negative, except anger.

I know i'm not supposed to be feeling this way.

But i'm just suddenly bombarded with feelings that i want to express.

I want to cry, i want to scream, i want to rant nonsensically and nonstop,

with someone holding my hand or cuddling me, understanding every gibberish that escapes my mouth.

I want to bite someone's arm till it leaves a mini mark that goes away in 10 minutes, and instead of pushing me aside, that someone offers me the other arm.

I want to lie on the field and simply stare at the night sky, without anyone looking at me or giving me weird faces.

I want something inexplicable, warm, soothing, calming, safe.

I'm not lovesick, i'm not heartbroken, i'm not rejected.

I just don't feel good enough.

I don't feel worthy.

For anyone.

Only person that i know would except me no matter what is God,

see me as beautiful is God,

forgive every mistake i make is God,

see every flaw as a quality is God.

But daily i'm beaten down by myself, the world, expectations.

I need someone to call my name repeatedly, soothing me.

That someone would be me.