Rising rhythm

Because i need to feel my worth and know my worth, by myself x for myself.

I need to know that i can make it.

I need to know that it's not the looks that matter.

I need to know that i am capable.

I need to know that i will be treasured x cherished.

I need to know that i'll get somewhere.

I need to know that i'm worth more than just 'Valerie' .

A name, a body.

More than that.

I want to make it.

I need to.

I have to.

Goals for school:

x wake up on time

x go to school on time regardless however sleepyxtiredxlethargicxboredxmundanexdreadful

x make no excuses

x never give up

x work hard

x be open-minded and accepting to everything i have to do x try

x work triple hard

x do my best (for real)

x have good time management

x have good money management

x be nice

x be ultimately real real real not some plastic fake person

x submit everything to God x leave everything to God x lean on God x include God in everything

x do all work and homework and pass up all work and homework

x do not grow complacent

x love myself

x not compare my works to others and kick myself in the bum for having really bad drawing

x not second guess how/why i got into Lasalle

x trust God

x when in doubt and in need of help, find Vickie because she'll turn me back to God

x not get influenced by the ways of the world through friends

x don't gossip/bitch about/back stab/lie

x still go to church every week

x i suppose i have more goals i just need time to think and finalise and settle

In love

With cooking, potatoes, butter (since forever), Parmesan and pasta.

And always, in love with God.

-

School's starting soon and thats really scary.

I'm scared of all the commitments, workload, responsibilites and of course,

the basics, attending school.

The torture of waking up in the morning is ugh, torture.

Plus, i'm not a 'new-people' type person, so when school starts,

i know i can't wait till everyone's friends with everyone.

Just need to get over the making friends phase.

Oh, and the things we have to buy.

It's so, money-draining.

Expensive school fees, expensive materials.

Not one of my best choicest but definitely one of the choices i'd make if i had to all over again.

Sigh.

But, bright side; i have Vickie and Meixu alongside with me.

Thank God for friends in school.

Going art material shopping with them tomorrow!

Woopwoop that's $300 blown.

Seriously, i musn't be so negative or rather, worried.

Heh, ok.

I can't wait for school :)

I'll get myself some weird weird weird geeky silent WEIRD cranky cool boyfriend, not.

9 days to orientation!

Aches

The realization hit me rather slow, but.

Everywhere i go, i'm faced with brokenness.

Not mine, but others.

Illnesses, stress, breakups, inferiority, broken hearts, pain.

And to make things horribly bad, it's happening to my close friends.

I'm feeling helpless, because no matter how much i say, it won't take everything away.

No matter how much i can do, the problem would still stand.

My heart aches so badly.

Sometimes, it's they themselves that choose to be stuck in the situation emotionally.

Not because they want to, but because they simply aren't strong enough to escape the pull.

And it's times like these makes me angry at them. Because they are not strong enough.

But honestly, are they to blame?

Perhaps partially, for simply not looking at the positives.

However, strength varies and i have to understand that.

Situations vary and i too have to remember that.

But going right down to the core, it's not them.

It can't be.

Why would a group of friends, who support each other, and back each other up,

fall so badly, in individual ways, at the same time?

It cannot simply be pure coincidence. Is there even coincidence in such matters?

Sometimes, as much as i wouldn't like to admit this. The devil's really smart.

However, God's smarter so, He'll outsmart the nincompoop anytime .

But a group of friends, if they all are shaken, and cannot support each other.

They'll all just crumble. Well, but they crumble together... Oh, the irony.

I won't say i'm the strongest. I won't say i'm the remaining pillar left.

But i know, that i haven't been brought down, and i cannot let this 'issue' bring me down.

For if i'm not standing where will they lean on?

So my friendsies if you are reading this, please know that i have nothing to offer,

no advices to give.

But you'll always have my shoulder, my ears, my time, my effort and my love.

V

Eyes fixed on God

Truth be told, i'm always afraid of the plans God has for me.

Truth be told, i'm scared i won't listen due to fear.

Truth be told, no matter what though, i know i am willing to obey His word and will.

Ok God wait for me, i'll be reaching specifics soon.

:)

I just really really, simply, love God.

Hee.