Been a million years, and i still have this page.

God, God, God, You are so loving.
But i've yet to accept and receive that love into my heart, my love.
What is tangible, what is real?

To know You and to know Your love is my desire.
To be with You, of You and for You is my heart's cry.
To live for You each and every single day, with You as the center, is my goal.

How do we get there from here?
Guide me, lead me. Show me.
The goodness of You, the tenderness of You, i want to know.

Longing for passionate worship

everyday

To always revolve around God

Worship

To You i praise daily, i praise and praise till my voice stops and even till then i will not cease to praise You for i am captivated and in awe of your love.

And every single day i yearn to be more and more in love with You for your love is precious and beautiful and pure and true. Each and every single day i will live my life best I can, You increasing and myself decreasing.

I can ask for nothing more than for You to shower me with your never ending love; in abundance.

And that You have already done, above and beyond the word 'abundance'.

I want to be closer to You. I want to have a love so deep for You. I want to acknowledge You in my life each and every single day. I want You to be so tangible in my life.

God, please come and intervene in my life.

I really need You.

Today i think i'm going to read through all my previous posts,

see the silly things i wrote, see how much i've grown,

go through heartbreak once again.

But it's okay.

And i'll be alright.

Grounded

Happy 2011.

As glorious as the start of the year is always supposed to be,

I feel that 2011 started on an average note.

I'm sensing regrets, could-have-been's, friendships lost and time passing by.

Then again i thank God i haven't hit anywhere close to rock bottom in terms of my emotions.

Dwelling in negativity is the last thing i want to do these days.

I remember being young, being silly, being foolish, being naive.

Time wasted, emotions played, tears, false laughter and what nots.

And now i am facing being older, being responsible, being understanding, being a daughter.

Of course i fear, who wouldn't.

The main thing is how i handle that fear, no?

What my future will be like, that is my main fear for now.

Irrational? A bit, but simply human; simply normal.

God has everything planned so i should just do best i can, and then watch along and marvel at His work.

My studies, career, family.

Imagination alone is one thing, reality is another.

I'm losing touch of myself; who i am.

I need guidance.

Pathways.

I need God.

More and more and more of God, always.

Huisim

If you see this,

i am fearful that we'll drift apart.

Benjamin

If you see this,

i cannot believe how far we've drifted apart.

God, Chng, Wenzi, Vickslims

Thank you all my dear best closest friends for sticking it out with me

(L)>

I LIVE TO THIS DAY TO CELEBRATE WITH ALL OF YAAAA

When you were tops now youre rock bottom

Everyone ran this race,

but when you pause, they would've ran ahead.

Happy now?

Adam

Endearing, touching, amazing.

I would.

To all the people i've drifted away from, let down, or grew cold with

Sorry.

Sure perhaps to some people, my sorry doesn't mean alot. But i'm sincere.

Perhaps the few people I can think of is,

Sophie, Abigail, Peijia, Sandy, Sylvia, Sufang, Stacia.

I know it seems that I don't make the effort to keep the friendship we had.

But sometimes, when you just feel so out of place that,

you don't know how to strike up a conversation?

And sometimes, when you feel so, insignificant that you don't mean as much to that person,

and you really don't want to try because you think it'll be useless?

Well, applicable, respectively towards each and every single person.

I just want you guys to know that I really tried.

And I really did thank God for you guys as friends, and I really did love you all.

Perhaps some things don't last, and I have always sucked at maintaining friendships,

but I think the fact that we once were close friends is something I'll cherish.

And if it were to happen all over again, I definitely wouldn't mind.

Though I doubt any of you would ever read this, I just want to put it out there.

Sure some people will think, "woah loser not friends already still want to say all these shit".

Or something like, "wah suck up", "wah want to gain sympathy".

Have it any way you think, but i've already said that i'm genuinely saying sorry.

I cannot force you to accept anything I've said.

So, thoughts on Sunday are those.

G'bye.

Clearer

God please give me an answer.

Please.

Happiness Doesn't Plateau

Everyday You show me new things,

new revelations You bring.

Living by Your mercy and grace,

everyday renewed.

Your love for me is never ending,

never failing and true.

I won't forget the way You love me,

and because of You i know, happiness doesn't plateau.

With God, happiness doesn't plateau.

God i want to love You more and more each day.

I want to fully be in awe of You, captivated, awestruck.

I know You love me, and i want to put You in the center of my life.

Let my life revolve around You.

Change me, guide me, show me, lead me.

I don't know how to go on

I need motivation.

I need help.

I need strength.

I need God.

Current goals:

- Minus sarcasm

- Minus being mean (especially to TW and Gayb)

- Don't procrastinate

- Don't be lazy

- Plan time and manage time well

- Maximise time to fullest

Im the worst person you can meet.

Scary.

Not easy

Trying so hard to do something.

To put in effort.

But im not doing anything.

Im not putting in effort.

How do i call this trying?

How dare i call this trying?

Going to school is similar to beating myself up everyday.

Negative, painful.

I can have so much more than this.

I just need God.

For strength, for motivation, for love, for determination, for discipline, for eagerness.

For inexplicable significance in everything i do.

202: Jie

Y'know how harsh i am towards you,

because i love you and i don't want to see you at such a point,

whereby i know you could do so much better because you are capable of.

Love you Jie,

Mei.

201

You can't just go around saying what you like.

Protect.

Help not let crumble.

/

Sinking further.

How far must I fall to see the importance in things?

I'm losing.

I'm losing it.

I'm so far behind.

Beautiful, would be to leave everything and have nothing on hand to fuss over.